it's the same with men

This incisive critic appears to have hit on an important truth regarding the appeal, or otherwise, of stand-up comedians:

MrHeslopian

5 months ago 4

Has anyone else noticed that the only good female comedians are the ugly ones? Jo Brand, Joan Rivers, Jenny Eclair. It's the same with men. If you're too attractive then the audience can't identify with you, and if they can't identify with you then they won't laugh.

he got me once

A commenter on this video of stand-up comedian Richard Herring has a very generous sense of humour:

americanu197

22 hours ago

i got stabbed once and it was funny cause the guy was threatening me with the knife and i said fuck it and just went for him and he got me once before i disarmed him

a very camp decade

A cultural decoding of a Style Council video leads to a comparitive analysis of football hooligans:

 

chavman88: Weller looks so gay in this
edobriensgrin: I neither know nor care about his orientation :P Paul's great. All videos looked "gay" in the 80s, it was a very camp decade!
melljj: but he sold himself out to record ppl
chavman88: thats bcz he is a gay rent boy
cartmanfan: he sould buy a football club with his bender friend elton john lol
travtam3: he might be gay but hes done a gd job at Watford we can even kick the shit out of Milwall fans now hope we get them in the cup.

mariah carey: mind your fingers

Watching Mariah Carey videos can be hazardous, so thanks to chrisoltjuh for the good-humoured public sevice announcement:
 
chrisoltjuh: Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year From The Netherlands!!! And Be Carefull With The Firework Dont Lose Your Fingers Hahaha Because I Have Lost 1 Finger Last Year haha

the hottest beatle

The opening comment by brian10jones may well be accurate, but this rapidly decends into farce:

brian10jones: girl at 6.28 was hot
JediMasters100: Who was the hottest beatle I think Ringo starr agree
pokemaniac121: Ok, is it just me or does ANYBODY think that all the great people are British? Like, the best Authors, Musicians, Y'know, stuff like that.
jb66ss396: You have it wrong...The Beatles except Ringo are of Irish decent. (#1 band today is U2 and are Irish) Also, many of the best authors/writers in recent history are of Irish decent.
obiwanobiwan13: na, na na, na na na na...
BrenAGC: no! its naaaaaaaaaa naaaaaa naa, na na na na, na na na naa... :D
obiwanobiwan13: na, na na, na na na na...
BrenAGC: no! its naaaaaaaaaa naaaaaa naa, na na na na, na na na naa... :D

oil to the arabs

With comebacks like this no-one is going to get one over on frilloz4:


mattbootry: you could sell oil to the arabs with an ad like that
frilloz4: the arabs are the ones with the oil stupid

jedward: caps not just for the sun

 Like a Gilbert and George for the twitter generation Jedward have shared some of their surreal wisdom with us. They just see things differently:

·          Need some sun cream not because of the sun but because it smells good 03 November 2010 11:09:24 via web   

·         Leaves on the ground look like corn flakes 03 November 2010 11:02:57 via web 

·         Willow trees are like trees with long hair someone needs to put it in a pony tail 03 November 2010 11:01:55 via web  

·         Has everyone finished all their candy and sweets from hallowen 03 November 2010 10:54:57 via web 

·         Wearing clothes is like getting a mobile phone cover makes you warm and Keeps you looking cool 10:53 AM Nov 3rd via web 

·         Has anyone ever wanted to fill a road cone with ice cream mmmm road cone 10:48 AM Nov 3rd via web Retweeted by you and 78 others 

·         All cars have happy faces they are all different check out your car now 10:41 AM Nov 3rd via web 

·         Traffic lights are the disco lights of the motorway PPParty 10:39 AM Nov 3rd via web 

·         Why can't all humans sign off letters like dogs do with their paws but we would use our hands BARK BARK 12:16 AM Nov 3rd via Mobile Web  

·         Fact about humans is that you are all filters breathing in bad air and breathing out fresh air, so next time someone farts.... you know! 12:13 AM Nov 3rd via Mobile Web 

·         Someone needs to come up with a virtual smell convertor so if someone let's gas it can be shared all over the world 12:10 AM Nov 3rd via Mobile Web   

·         When ducks follow you and you wonder why? Ask yourself do I look like a quacky duck wearing this cap! Caps not just for the sun 12:01 AM Nov 3rd via Mobile Web 

·         Eye shadow can be expensive but if you want it for free don't sleep and you will get lots of eye shadow its called baggy shadow 11:54 PM Nov 2nd via Mobile Web 

·         Carpets on the floor are to keep all the insects and worms warm just like blankets keep you warm at night 11:51 PM Nov 2nd via Mobile Web 

·         Exit sign man,wonder if its someone forzon in time that likes doors and is really excited so EXIT is short 11:48 PM Nov 2nd via Mobile Web Retweeted by you and 37 others 

·         Salt n Pepper they are always on the table but they never say anything they just be there and look salty peppi cool 11:44 PM Nov 2nd via Mobile Web Retweeted by you and 64 others 

·         So much runners we are going to be the first to build a house made out of runners but wait oh no its gonna run away 11:42 PM Nov 2nd via Mobile Web Retweeted by you and 48 others

acting raper

ernestuij seems a little confused about the professional status of the late rap artist Tupac Shakur, who he then confuses with Joe Pesci, who played Tommy de Vito in 'Goodfellas':

by ernestuij (Tue Jul 5 2005 02:06:00)

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I think Tupac was the only raper who could act I haven't seen any raper acting better ,he's the only one... R.I.P.

Tommy DeVito:"But, I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I'm here to *beep* amuse you?"

diamonds are forever

 

A posting of the Kanye West song sparked this debate about how to spend a fortune made from diamonds. Zakiuz has clearly thought this through, carefully planning his dream scenario, but this provokes the wrath of zicoisgod:

zicoisgod

1 week ago

@Zakiuz101 if i have ten thousands millions pounds of diamonds then i don't need my gf,mom and dad! your are stupid,don't lie to me man,if you have that much diamonds then you can get any girl in the world! you can buy your own island full of girls or what ever pleases you,you can buy anything ANYTHING! who needs my mom,dad and GF,i got bitches and blood money to please me.. heck i can even get kanye west to sing this song for me everyday for the rest of my life while i fuck jayz's wife beyonce.

Zakiuz101

1 week ago

@zicoisgod your even more retard. what you are saying is that you don't care your parent's MADE you and you're ready to BUY them for some pussies ? ten thousands pounds would have killed a whole country of poor kids working for this shit. i aint lying. i know i aint invincible and i will die someday. money isn't everything ( i aint saying i dont want some but still ) your really fucked up. you're the kind of people who should work their ass so hard in africa.

zicoisgod

1 week ago

@Zakiuz101 dudde i have my own problems and my own pain to get through,if i have billions,i think i could feel better if i helped the poor people every now and then to feel good, visit my mom's grave and spit on my dads grave,record my own album or some shit,make video-games based on me or a film maybe,make a kick-ass mansion that owns play boy's mansion, fuck every porn star i dream of fucking,marry kim K l8er on maybe, what can i say slim shady fucked me up real good and i luv it...